


Shadows of Our Life

by sleeponrooftops



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-21
Updated: 2008-04-21
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeponrooftops/pseuds/sleeponrooftops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>We both take the hardest punches, and collect black eyes just to prove it.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadows of Our Life

_We both take the hardest punches  
And collect black eyes just to prove it  
Still we pass by just like strangers  
And we speak just like the closest enemies_

_Enemies_

It had been a year since the band split; a very long, tiring, unfulfilling year.  It had been a year since I’d seen Val; a very boring, unsatisfactory, sad year.  I couldn’t take much more of this reckless desire, but it was unavoidable.  He was so hard to forget.

 

_‘Hey, I dare you to kiss Brian.’_

‘ _‘_ Kiss _him?’_

_‘Yeah, like, on the lips.’_

_‘No way, man.  I’m not gonna fucking kiss that prick.’_

_‘C’mon, kiss him.  We all know you wanna do him, so kissing him will suffice for now.’_

_‘Fuck you, John.  I’m not fucking kiss Syn.’_

It had been a while since I’d seen any of them.  I’d just recently visited Zack, but I hadn’t bothered with Johnny or Jimmy since the band broke up.  But Brian… oh, I hadn’t seen him since that night.  That is, not counting the days on tour. _  
  
Woah, in the shadows of our life  
We can fall into the night unscarred  
Woah, in the shadows of our life  
We can never let it go this far_

I’m so very close to falling apart and giving into the temptation tonight.  I’ve had my phone open to his number for about three hours, but I’ve not been able to gain the courage to call him yet.  The right moment hasn’t hit.  The moment where _I_ feel is the time that this burning in my chest has to be eased.

 

_‘What if he likes it?’_

_‘He’s straight.  He won’t like it.’_

_‘So, you admit you wanna kiss him?’_

_‘I don’t wanna fucking kiss him, John.  Go away.’_

_‘Fine, dude.  Just wait.  I’m gonna get you so fucking plastered and then fuck you up the ass until you kiss him.’_

_‘Screw you, you little Southern fucker.’_

_‘I’m telling you, man.  It’s gonna hurt.  You’re gonna bleed.’_

_‘Not if I make him bleed first.’_

I’m just sighing and putting my phone down, rubbing my temple painfully and wishing that all of this had never happened.  With a slight heave of the heart, I click off the lamp next to the couch and get up.  I manage to get out of my soaking clothes (I stood outside his house in the pouring rain for an hour), into my bed, and am just starting to drift off when I jump out of bed and run back downstairs. _  
  
Somehow my words render useless  
Still I pull my lip down to my chest  
Just to show you how my jaw is  
Tired from waiting to say the things that you should hear_

_You should hear_

I make it downstairs in record time, flick on the lamp, and grasp my phone.  Maybe it was just my imagination, but I swore I heard _Sidewalks_ playing.  It’s one of his favorite songs, so it’s my ringtone for him.  I flip open my phone, take a deep breath, and go to my missed calls.

 

_I left Johnny gaping as I hurriedly stood up and jogged through the bus, softly calling Brian’s name.  I found him sitting on the floor in the bunkroom, a scrapbook at his feet._

_‘Hey, Shads,’ he greets nonchalantly, not even looking up._

_‘What are you doing?’_

_‘I just found this.  Zack told me he was bringing it cos he found it somewhere.’_

_‘What is it?’_

_‘Just our life.’_

_‘Our?’_

_‘Zack and me.  We’ve been friends for a long time.  I kinda forgot.’_

_‘Oh.  Cool, man.’_

_‘You come in here for something?’_

Right there, at exactly 1:04, there’s a missed call from an unknown number.  I’m about to sigh and toss my phone back onto the couch when I have a sudden genius moment and hit the SEND button.  In seconds, I’m redialing the number and putting the cold phone to my ear, praying it’s him. _  
  
Woah, in the shadows of our life  
We can fall into the night unscarred  
Woah, in the shadows of our life  
We can never let it go this far_

‘Fuck, _Zack_ , go _away_!’

 

‘You do realize you’re recording your “leave a voicemail” message thing, right?’

 

‘Oh, shit, really?’

 

‘Yeah, man.’

 

‘’Kay, well, hey, it’s Brian.  I guess I kinda forgot to answer the phone, so leave a message and I’ll call back asap.  Like, cool?’

 

I shut the phone just as the beep sounds.  I can’t do it.

 

_‘Umm – yeah – actually, I wanted to – umm – ask you a question.’_

_‘Go ahead, man.  Is it important, though?  Should I pay attention?’_

_I laugh at the inside joke, remembering back to when he was trying to tell me something uber vital and I was totally ignoring him to the point where he yelled at me, telling me that I need to pay attention cos it was a serious topic.  I still didn’t listen._

_‘Yeah, man, kinda important.’_

_‘’Kay, hold on.  Lemme just put away the book.’_

After I had gotten a glass of water, drank that, had to get another one, drank that, and then calmed myself to a reasonable amount, I was to be found sitting back on my sofa at two o’clock, finger on the SEND button.  Without a second thought, I push it, wait for the voicemail, and don’t get it. _  
  
After all, we're still the same  
These empty promises seem to never change  
There's a smile on my face and it's two fifty-five am  
And this cramp in my wrist puts me back to sleep till it all comes around again_

‘What the fuck, dude, it’s _so_ late,’ his perfect voice grumbles.

 

I’m left completely speechless.  I had this whole message planned out that I’d figured during my pacing and now I can’t think of anything to say.

 

‘Who is this?’

 

‘I…’

 

‘Hello?  Who is this?’

 

‘Brian?’

 

‘Matt?’

 

_After Brian puts away the book, he sits me on his bunk, smiling sloppily._

_‘What’s on your mind, man?  You look kinda befuddled.  Johnny get your knickers in a bunch again?’_

_‘Something like that.’_

_‘Aww, kid, I’m sorry.  I’ll go beat the terd up.’_

_‘Don’t.  I’m glad he did.’_

_‘Why?  What’d he say?’_

_‘Bri, would you ever…_ like _me?’_

‘Hey, man.’

 

Wow, great opener.  Hey, man.  Total worst line _ever_.

 

‘You always did suck at conversation starters.’

 

‘It’s been a while.’

 

‘You’re getting there.’

 

‘Can I see you?’

 

‘There you go.  And no.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Look, Matt, it’s better we don’t see each other.  And how’d you get this number?’

 

‘You called me.’

 

‘What the fuck are you talking about?  I didn’t call you.  Oh, Zack, you little fuck!’

 

There’s a loud screech followed by giggling and my frown deepens.  Zack’s there? _  
  
With a closed fist!_

_With a closed fist!_

_With a closed fist!_

_With a closed fist!_

‘Hey, man, sorry about that.  He got kicked out of Gena’s place, so he’s staying here for a couple days.  He shouldn’t have done that.  I’m sorry.’

 

‘You’re a real fucking piece, Syn.’

 

‘Look, Matt, I said I was sorry.  That was a real shit thing to do.’

 

‘I need to see you.’

 

‘It’s just gonna fucking _hurt_ , man.  Don’t do this to yourself.’

 

‘Please, Brian.’

 

‘For Christ’s sake… _fine_.  When?’

 

‘Whenever.’

 

‘Meet me in Central Park in, like, an hour.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

_‘Like you?  Are you fucking stoned, man?  Is that what this is about?’_

_‘I’m serious.’_

_‘Fuck no, man.  I love you, kid, but as a friend.  I’m sorry, Matt.  You know I don’t swing that way.’_

_‘You couldn’t…_ learn _?’_

_‘You don’t fucking learn to love.  It just comes.’_

_‘Can’t you…_ try _?’_

_‘Will you leave me alone about this?’_

_‘Yeah.’_

_‘Whatever.’_

An hour later, I was to be found sitting cross-legged by a bench in Central Park, nearly bouncing in anticipation.  I was going to see him, _finally_ , after so long.  I just hoped to God it would turn out alright. _  
  
Woah, in the shadows of our life  
We can fall into the night unscarred  
Woah, in the shadows of our life  
We can never let it go this far_


End file.
